I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize