Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
