apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
