Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
