I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
