she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
