My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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