with your own penis?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
