maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
