listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
