Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
