My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
