I'm laying in your front yard are you home
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
