in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
