Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
