Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
