can we get nightvision for the apartment?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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