I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
