I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
