Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just cut my nipple shaving
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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