i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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