shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
