Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
