He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
