Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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