Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
