i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
