I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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