1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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