What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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