Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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