Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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