Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
