Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
