Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
