New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize