i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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