Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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