That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
