Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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