and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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