there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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