I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
