My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
