I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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