I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
