i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I didn't notice because vodka
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
