Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
