Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
