I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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