if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
