Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
