M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize