...so i touched it.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
