I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
