went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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