I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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