just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
