it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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