dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
