i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
