the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
