i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
