If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
