I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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