KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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