Already got asked if we're dating
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
