Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
