no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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