We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
