sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
