If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
