So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
